Broken Insanity
by Shiba Senju
Summary: Following a certain incident, Shuuhei is sent to a psychiatric hospital. Whilst there he meets a hot headed, silver haired man with anger issues named Kensei. All Shuuhei wants to do is keep his head down low and get better so he can get the hell out of there. But with his tragic past coming back to haunt him, it only becomes harder for Shuuhei to keep on going. AU, Kenshu, Yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hey everyone and welcome to the first chapter of Broken Insanity. This idea has been bugging me for quite awhile now and I have finally started to write it. This chapter is just setting up the themes, characters and issues of the story. I have never written a Kenshu fanfic before and there is not enough of it out there. So if you give it a read, I hope you enjoy it.WARNINGS: Mentions of Suicide, mental illness, swearing, violence, yaoi and smutt (In later chapters though)**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

 **Shuuhei POV**

My head is spinning and I am not quite sure where I am. I can feel pain travel all throughout my body as people gather around talking urgently about something. I cannot make out the words and my mind cannot focus enough for me to listen. The lights keep flashing causing my head to ache even more. There is movement from all sides but can't keep my eyes still to see what is going on. The walls are moving fast around me and it makes my head spin even faster. I try to speak but when I do there is a horrible pain causing me to cringe. My throat feels like it is on fire. I try to keep my eyes open and keep them trained on the roof but the roof keeps moving too and the lights just won't stop flashing. _Why is everything moving?_

I tried to move my arms but they barely work. I grip onto whatever is under my hand and I think it is a bed. I just want it all to stop. There is so much pain. I try my best to focus again and I notice that I have no idea who these people are. Everything is so blurry and all I can make out is white. These people are wearing white coats. I try to speak again but I am met with more severe burning pain in my throat. Someone puts a hand on my shoulder but I cannot make out who it is.

"Don't worry buddy, we are almost there. Just hold on a little longer." A male voice says. His voice is all muffled and I cannot recognise it.

 _Almost where? Am I moving? Where am I?_

Someone leans down and speaks to me but I cannot focus on a thing this person is saying. Something about a hospital? I'm in a hospital? _What the fuck!_ I feel the need to vomit but I don't think my body could take it. I suddenly move involuntarily and a huge wave of pain spreads throughout my body, especially around my neck. I think I have stopped moving. The walls and roof have stopped moving but my head is still spinning. _Oh fuck._ Everything starts to go black. Am I dying? _I fucking hope so._

I can hear voices around me but I can't will myself to open my eyes. The voices are hardly audible and I can only make out a few words. I try my best to drown out the voices but it seems that I cannot. The pain is still going through my whole body but it is less severe than it was before. I must have passed out. How long have I been asleep for? A couple of hours at most I think. The voices in the room start to become a little louder.

I just want to go back into unconsciousness. I don't want to remember how I ended up here or the events that led me to do something so drastic. I just don't want to be here. The voices start to become a little bit clearer and I realise they both belong to males. I continue to try and drown out what they are saying but I catch one word that one of them says that makes me open my eyes in panic. _Suicide_.

"Shuuhei?" One of the men says with concern. I look at the man who is speaking and recognise him straight away. Kisuke Urahara, my legal guardian. My heart sinks and I look away. There is no way I could look him in the eye after what I did. Kisuke is one of the only people I care about… Well now the only person I care about. "Shuuhei look at me."

I force myself to look at him which was a mistake. His eyes are full of pain. Pain that I caused. It is too much to bear. I can feel tears well up in my eyes and are threating to spill. Kisuke walks to the side of the hospital bed that I am laying in and hugs me tight. The pain in my body flares up but I don't push Kisuke off. I owe him that much. Kisuke pulls back and I can see there are tears welling up in his eyes. He turns away for a second to compose himself and then turns back to me.

"Why, Shuuhei?" he asks in a shaky voice. "Why would you think that would be the answer? I know you have been struggling but why didn't you come to me for help instead of trying to…" Kisuke stops talking for a second and runs his hands through his sandy blond hair while he thinks for something else to say. I just lay there hopelessly with a feeling of emptiness inside me. "You know I care for you like my own son, don't you? Just why… why would you do that?"

I open my mouth to speak but no words come out. There is nothing I can say that would take away the pain that Kisuke is feeling right now. I never wanted to hurt him. I just wanted to make the pain finally stop. I can no longer handle the pain and suffering anymore.

As if on cue, the other man in the room walks up to Kisuke and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Can I speak with you outside?" The man asks in a low voice. Kisuke nods and exits the room with the man who I presume to be a doctor. The door is left open so I can hear everything the two are saying.

"I don't know what to do Isshin." Kisuke says in a tired voice.

"Look, the best thing right now is for you to let him recuperate. Situations like these are never easy for anyone. We just have to wait until he feels like speaking." Isshin says with a careful tone.

"That's the problem. He hardly ever speaks. Ever since the incident 5 years ago, he has barely had a conversation with me."

"That is very common with victims like him. There are just too many things going through their heads and they just don't know how to communicate with others for many other reasons."

"Maybe if I was more caring towards him, then this would never have happened."

"Thinking like that is going to do no one any good. What is important now is that he is alive and will recover."

"Yeah I know. Sorry… I just don't know what to do with him. I don't want him to suffer more than he already has."

"Look, here is what we are going to do. We are going to get him assessed by a professional and depending on what they say, it might be best for you to send him to an institution and before you say anything, I know an excellent place for him to go."

My blood runs cold at the word institution. My whole body freezes up and I can feel a slight panic flow throughout my body. I am not going to some fucked up institution. I'm not crazy and I don't need to be locked up in some loony bin… Well at least I think I don't.

Before Kisuke can reply to Isshin, a woman's voice appears that I recognise and the panic in my body slowly turns into anger. _What the hell is she doing here?_

"Kisuke, is Shuuhei alright!? The woman asks with worry and panic.

"Yes he is fine Rangiku, he is just resting." Kisuke says warmly.

"Oh thank god!" Rangiku says with relief. "Can I see him?"

"Yes you can but only for a little bit." Isshin says.

"Okay, thank you! I got him something. I'll just go and grab it."

I hear her walk off down the hall and I can only pray that she doesn't come back at all. Rangiku is one of the last people on earth that I want to see right now… or ever again. The memories come rushing back to me. The memory of me walking into her room and finding her naked in bed with my best friend keeps replaying in my mind, causing me to grab at my hair to try and make it stop.

"Who is that girl?" Isshin asks.

"That's Shuuhei's girlfriend, Rangiku." Kisuke replies with warmth in his voice.

I feel like I'm about to vomit hearing those words. I can hear Rangiku's footsteps coming back and I just want to scream.

"That's good. It will help him a lot to have those he cares about around him."

"Is he awake?"

"He is just inside there."

"Okay thank you!" I hear footsteps walk towards me and I keep my eyes shut. I don't want to see her face. "Shuuhei?"

I open my eyes and immediately regret it. Rangiku is standing at the end of the bed with flowers in her hands and tears in her eyes. My stomach turns at the sight of her. _Why is she doing this to me?_

"Oh Shuuhei. I am so sorry! I never meant for any of this to happen. This is all my fault!" A steady stream of tears is falling down her face. I look at her and all I feel is hurt, anger and pain. She walks to the side of my bed and puts the flowers down on the side table. "If I could take it all back I would. I was drunk and hurt and Izuru was there to comfort me when you weren't. It meant nothing!"

"Get out." My voice is raspy and full of pain. My voice sounds nothing like my own.

"W-what?" Rangiku says and steps back a bit. "S-Shuuhei, I am so sorry. I know you must hate me but I really do mean-"

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!"

Rangiku stumbles back a bit and puts her hands to her mouth. More tears start to fall from her eyes and a look of fright is planted on her face. Kisuke and Isshin come in to see what is going on. Kisuke goes over to Rangiku and puts a hand on her shoulder which she brushes off. She runs out the door and her footsteps slowly fade away to nothing. Kisuke opens his mouth to say something but then looks at my face decides not to. The anger on his face turns to sadness.

My tears have finally started to fall and I cannot stop them. My throat is on fire and my head is aching. I never wanted any of this. It's… too… much. Maybe I would be better off gone.

"I-I'm sorry…" I say shakily through the sobs. "I'm so sorry."

Kisuke walks over to me and grabs my hand. He looks at me and gives me a sad smile.

"I know you are. We are going to get through this and you are going to get the help you need. Now get some rest, okay?" I nod my head in agreement. Kisuke drops my hand and gives me one last smile before going with Isshin outside. "So what is this institution you were talking about?"

I roll over in my bed and put the pillows over my ears. I don't want to hear anymore. I lay like that for who knows how long. Eventually my mind goes blank and I drift off into dreamless sleep.

 **Two Weeks Later**

In the car, my mind keeps replaying the events that got me into this situation. If I am being entirely honest, it's not just the last two weeks that got me into this situation. I have been ' _mentally unstable_ ' (as the psychiatrist called it) for several years now and should have been put into a facility a long time ago. Kisuke keeps talking to me but I don't even hear him. I am stuck in my own mind.

The session with the psychiatrist keeps popping into my head. I had to have Kisuke with me to do most of the talking. When the incident that happened five years ago came up in conversation, I zoned myself out. There is no way I could sit there and listen to that again. I dug my nails into my palms until they started bleeding. By the end of the session, I was deemed a danger to myself and others and now I am on my way to a Psychiatric Hospital that is run by a man named Sosuke Aizen.

I just want to jump out of the moving car and run away. I can't think straight. There is so much in my head and I don't know how to let it out or deal with it. It's slowly killing me. There hasn't been a night where I haven't cried myself to sleep. I just don't know what to do. Everyone says that they understand but how could they possibly understand. It's lonely. I look over at Kisuke and he is still talking. He looks nervous and I feel pang of hurt creep into my heart. How could I possibly do this to him? The one person that has tried their best to be there for me and I have caused him nothing but pain. I don't think I could ever make up for what I have done to him.

"Look, this is the best thing for you. I know that you don't want to go but you have no choice in the matter." Kisuke says while not taking his eyes off the road. "This the best thing for you and I have been assured that this one of the best places you could go to."

I nod my head in agreement. He is right. I have no choice about going to this place. I would be scared but I just don't seem to care anymore. There is no way out of this and who knows how long I will be in there for. _It hurts. Everything hurts. Make it stop_.

"I never wanted any of this." I mutter. "I never wanted to hurt you or anyone else."

"Shuuhei, none of this is your fault." Kisuke says as he puts one of his hands on my shoulder. "What you have been through is enough to drive even the strongest man to insanity. You are so strong and I am so proud of you. Just focus on getting better."

I don't say anything more. I have no idea what to possible say. I would cry if I had any tears left. Today seems like it has been going on forever and that's the way the pain inside me feels. It feels like it will last forever. I rub at the scars on the right side of my face. I do that when there is too much going on in my head. I hate those scars but I'd rather have them then those numbers on the other side of my face. Those numbers are a constant reminder of what I have been through. They are the reason I can no longer look in the mirror or even take a photo. Those numbers will be there for the rest of my life.

The car suddenly stops and I am brought back to reality. I look around to see that we are in a car park. I look forward and see a massive building staring down at us. This must be the place where I will live in a new kind of hell for god knows how long. I am shocked at the size of the building. When I think of Psychiatric Hospitals, I think of dark, castle like buildings that make you want to vomit. This building however is nothing like I thought. This building just looks like a normal hospital but a lot bigger. The outside walls a light shade of yellow and look incredibly smooth, there are so many windows on each floor that there would be no way you could count them and the whole building looks like it goes on forever in every direction.

"Holy shit."

The next several minutes are a complete blur. I can barely remember hugging Kisuke goodbye. The routine check-ups and searches went by so quickly that I don't remember any of it. At this very moment I am being guided down a hall way by a darked-skin woman with purple hair. She has been talking to me this whole time but I have no idea about anything she said. Everyone I walk past can't help but stare at me. I can't tell if it is because of my face or if it is just because they are crazy… well now it's 'we are crazy.'

We continue walking for what seems like a very long time until finally we come to a stop in front of an empty looking room. She gestures for me to go in and I hesitantly walk into the room. The room itself is quite spacious. There is a bed, some empty shelves and some cabinets that are also probably empty.

"This is where you will be staying for the time being. It's not much but you'll get used to it." The lady says with a smile. "I've already told you all the rules and what to do and not do, so I'll just leave you to get settled in. If you need anything, you know where I'll be."

The lady walks off before I can say anything. "Shit." I was not listening to single thing she said. I could go after her but I just don't care enough. I walk over to the bed and sit down on it. Well at least it is comfy. I lie down and stare at the ceiling, not knowing what to do with myself. I feel numb. My mind is blank.

I honestly have no idea how long I was laying there for but when I get up there is woman at my door just staring at me. She has long green hair and childlike eyes and it looks as though she is analysing me. I don't know what to do so I just stare back. She begins to walk closer to me and I automatically move backwards.

"C-Can I help you?" I ask, still moving backwards.

"Umm… no" she says, her voice rather high and childlike. She then smiles at me and holds out her hand. "Hi, I'm Nel." I don't know what to do so I just stand there and stare at her. "C'mon, shake it." I shake her hand and then she pulls me into a hug. I try to push her off but this girl is surprisingly strong. She pulls back and gives me a goofy grin. "What's your name? Why are you here? What's that stuff on you face? Oh, sorry. I am asking too many questions. I'm Nel. Wait. I already said that." She begins to laugh and I just stand there with an open mouth. "I'm sorry, sometime when I speak, I just keep going and don't stop and then I get mixed up with what I am saying and then I say something weird or insensitive and then it just turns into a giant mess. So what was your name again?"

"Shuuhei" I say slowly. I feel like this girl could attack at any second.

"Well it's nice to meet you Shuuhei" she says as she puts out her hand again. "Oh, wait. I already did that. Sorry."

"It's okay."

"You look familiar." She says as she sits down on my bed. "Why is the number 69 on your face? Is that your favourite position or something?" She begins to giggle. I just want her to leave. Now. "Wait a second… are you that kid that was on the news years ago? You know, the one that was kidnapped and-"

There is a loud noise that suddenly comes from the speakers, causing me to jump. My heart is pounding incredibly fast. How does this girl remember something from the news that happened five years ago? She better not say anything to anyone else. I feel like I am about to have a panic attack. Before I can say anything, she gets up and grabs my hand.

"C'mon, it's lunch time" she says as she drags me out of the room. I try to get my hand free but Nel has a really strong grip on me. _This isn't normal is it?_ I feel like I am about to freak out at any moment now. "You are gonna love lunch here. It's my favourite part of the day. Well besides all my other favourite things of course."

"Neliel! What are you doing?" The woman from before calls out. Oh thank god. Please save me lady.

"I'm just taking my new friend, Shuuhei, to lunch, Yoruichi!" _Well at least I know her name now_.

Yoruichi looks at the both of us for a second with a serious look and then lets out a laugh. "Okay, Neliel. Don't forget to teach him how lunch works around here."

"Okay, sure thing boss lady!" Nel waves bye to her and then continues to drags me along the corridors. "So you will obviously be sitting with us. I can't wait for you to meet the rest of the group!" I don't think I can handle a whole group of Nel's. Just thinking about it makes me want to find the nearest flight of stairs and jump down them. One Nel is all I can handle. I am starting to think that she harmless and I start to calm down a bit. This still isn't normal though.

I am eventually dragged into a large cafeteria and I cannot believe how many people there are here. It's a bit overwhelming. There are about 50 people here. Well to other people it would look like there weren't many people but to me it seems like a lot. Neliel waves at a group of people at the other end of the cafeteria and then drags me towards them.

"Guy's this is our new friend, Shuuhei!" She yells in excitement. "Shuuhei, this is Grimmjow, Ichigo, Riruka and Lisa."

All of the people at this table are rather unique looking. Grimmjow his bright blue hair and a tattoo on his jaw of his jaw bone? Ichigo is a ginger haired guy with the most miserable look on his face, Riruka has bright pink hair and a look that could kill and Lisa has the coldest eyes I have ever seen in my life. I feel as though this is where my life is going to end but I just don't seem to care anymore.

"I was wondering where you were." Grimmjow says with a laugh and then turns his gaze towards me. "Let me guess, she kidnapped you?" I don't know what to say so I just nod. Grimmjow grins and I swear it's the scariest fucking grin I have ever seen.

"Don't worry, Neliel is harmless." Ichigo says with a blank expression.

"Yeah she is harmless." Lisa says without looking at me. "Unless she has a car, then she might just drive it into you house."

"Lisa! I only did that once!" Nel cries and then pouts.

"Well it sounded like the little bitch deserved it." Riruka says while getting out of her chair. "You're kind of cute. Sit down next to me."

"Umm… I-I"

"Oh look Riruka. You've scared him shitless" Grimmjow says with a menacing chuckle.

"Screw you, Grimmjow!"

"You wish!" Grimmjow begins to laugh even harder.

"Can you guys just shut up and eat." Ichigo says emotionlessly. Riruka blushes and sits down and mumbles something under her breath.

"So what are you in here for?" Grimmjow asks me with a shit eating grin. This is too much.

"Thanks for the offer Nel, but I am going to go back and rest" I say quietly. Nel just pouts but nods her head with approval.

"Aww, don't leave so soon. I wanna know about that shit on your face." Grimmjow says as I begin to leave. I don't turn around and I continue walking. I hear an 'ow' from Grimmjow so I am guessing Ichigo must have hit him. As I am about to leave the cafeteria, someone walks in front of me and I bump into them, knocking myself over.

"Would you watch where you're fucking going!" The man shouts. I look up at the man who is standing over me. He has short silver hair, he is well built and he has one of the angriest faces I have ever seen so I look away. I stand up and mumble an apology. "What?"

"I said I'm sorry!" I say feeling rather annoyed now. I turn my head towards him and his eyes widen in shock. _What is he looking at_? He must be looking at the tattoo. I feel myself go red with embarrassment, even though I never get embarrassed when people stare at me. Strange. "What are you staring at?!"

"Who are you and why the fuck do you have that on your face?!"

Is guy serious!? His face is full with shock and anger. This guy is really getting on my nerves. One of the guards looks over at us and rolls his eyes. "Oi, Kensei, leave the kid alone." So this asshole's name is Kensei. The guard looks away and walks off. He must have to deal with this guy a lot.

"I'm going to go now." I sneer as I walk away. Kensei then grabs my arm and pulls me back. "Let go of me!" I try to rip my arm away from him but his grip is too strong.

"Answer my question!"

I go to throw a punch towards his face but he catches my wrist with his other hand. _Oh shit_. Kensei then pushes me up against a wall. _Oh god he is going to kill me_.

"Kensei, let go of him now!" Nel screams from the other side of the cafeteria. Kensei doesn't listen. All he does is stare at me with his chocolate eyes. I can't look away from them. I feel like a deer caught in headlights. At any moment he could strike. All the noise just fades away as I wait for the hit that is coming my way. But nothing comes. He is just staring at me. All I can do is stare back. It feels as though we have been staring at each other for hours.

"Kensei, let go of him now!" The guard from before yells as he runs towards us. Kensei lets go of my wrists and it feels as though he was closing to snapping both of them. He stares at me for a couple more seconds and then walks off. I stand there for a moment trying to figure out what just happened. I stare after him until the guard gets in my way. "Are you okay?" I nod at him and proceed to walk off toward my room. _What the hell was wrong with that guy_?

This really is a nut house.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 **Shuuhei POV**

I lay in bed, staring at the bruises around my wrists. I am surprised that he didn't break them. I didn't even feel the pain when he was gripping them but I sure feel the pain now. I can barely move them. _What was that guy's problem with me?_ I don't think it was something I did and it couldn't be because of the way I look, right? Maybe it IS because of the way I look. Maybe it is because of these damn numbers on my face. He lashed out as soon as he saw them. I get that it's weird to have something like that on my face and I understand why people stare but lashing out at me is something completely different. Kensei. _What an asshole._

I don't even know why I am giving Kensei this much thought. There is so much more going on here that I should be dealing with. I just hope that I don't run into him again… or maybe I should go find him so I can find out why he acted the way he did. No, I am being ridiculous. He is just crazy. I forget that I am in a nut house. I guess I am just as crazy as everyone here. I just need to keep my head down and do what I got to do to get out of here.

The Nel girl seems alright. Batshit insane but still alright. Her friends creep the shit out of me though. Especially Grimmjow. I fucking hope that I don't have to sit with them. Hopefully I can get an unoccupied table to sit out without them noticing. It's not like I hate all of them, it's just that I'd rather be alone. I feel safer when I am by myself but I get the feeling from this place that there is no such thing as safe. _Well that's just great_. I don't feel safe out there and I don't feel safe in here. I guess that's one of the problems when you can't trust anybody.

My mind suddenly goes blank and I can feel the numbness returning to my body. I stare at the ceiling blankly, waiting for the feeling to go away. I get this feeling constantly and it just appears out of nowhere. Sometimes it only lasts for a couple of minutes and other times it can last for even over a day. I don't like this feeling but at the same time, I don't hate it. I don't really feel anything for it. I guess it's why they call it numbness. Its either I am feeling nothing at all or I am feeling everything at once.

I put my hand up to my neck to feel the scar that I will be stuck with for a very long time to come because of my stupid decision. It goes around most of my neck and feels somewhat shredded. I roll over on my side and close my eyes, trying find some sort of inner peace, but like all the other attempts, I am unsuccessful. I open my eyes and notice there are a bunch of papers on the side table. I sit up and grab them to see what they could possibly be. One of them is a handbook of sorts that reads, "Patient Psychiatric Program." I flick through it to see what it has to offer because before I got here, I did not research anything about being in a place like this.

 _ **Personal Items**_ _  
'You are expected to dress in street clothes while in our unit and may want to have someone you know bring a couple of changes of clothing for you that you would feel comfortable in. Clothing should be appropriate for a public setting and should not be too tight or too revealing. A washer and dryer are available on the unit for your convenience. Staff will assist with laundering clothing as necessary. Please do not loan clothes to or exchange clothes with other patients.'_

I am currently wearing tight black jeans and I am not too sure if that counts as 'too tight'. I guess if they weren't appropriate, someone would have said something by now. I also guess that my black 'Fallen Era' singlet is fine to wear in this place, along with my black converse shoes. All the other clothes I packed look more or less the same as the clothes I am wearing right now.

 _ **Meals**_ _  
'Breakfast, lunch and dinner are provided seven days a week at regular times, around 8:00 a.m. for breakfast, 12:00 p.m. for lunch and 5:00 p.m. for dinner. You will be given a menu from which you may select your meals on a daily basis. Only one meal selection will be allowed per meal. If you require a special diet for health or religious reasons, this will be provided for you. You will be encouraged to eat in the dining room with peers to help you engage with others and to become more comfortable in the unit. Eating in your room is allowable, but spending time with peers is part of your treatment program while you are in the hospital.'_

Well guess who will be eating all their meals in their room from now on. That is actually a huge relief for me. Now I won't have to socialise and I won't have to run into Kensei. So this works out for the better. No more crazy, no weird looks and no more Kensei. This will make my stay here a lot easier.

 _ **Medications**_ _  
'Your psychiatrist may prescribe medications for you, and your nurse will bring your medications to you at scheduled times. You will need to ask your nurse for these medications if you feel that you need them. When you are admitted to the hospital based on your condition and diagnosis some of your home medications may be taken away. Your Nurse will verify your name and birth date and check it against the medication record every time you receive a medication in order to prevent errors. Questions are always welcome regarding the name, purpose and side effects of medications you are taking. We want you to learn about your medications so that you will have a better understanding of the benefit of taking them both while you are in the hospital and when you are discharged. It is most important that you talk with your psychiatrist and your nurse about your medications and how they are affecting you.'_

I really do not want to take meds. I just don't like the idea of putting random chemicals that you have no idea about into your body. Who knows what kind of fucked up shit you are consuming. Then again, these people are professionals and if I ever want to get out of here I need to listen to what they say. Besides, it's not like I have a choice on the matter.

 _ **Groups**_ _  
There are a variety of therapeutic groups and recreational activities that you will be expected to attend throughout the day. You will meet with a recreational or occupational therapist who will provide you with a schedule of these groups and activities at the beginning of your stay. Attending groups and activities will be helpful to you and will give you an opportunity to work on issues that may have contributed to your admission. In addition, your participation in these activities gives the staff an opportunity to evaluate how you are doing in terms of your mood and thinking and your ability to follow directions and relate to others. This information will be helpful for your physician as he or she makes decisions about your treatment in the hospital._

"Well shit." I say aloud to myself. That is going to be pretty fucking difficult. I don't want to talk and interact with others. Also I don't even want to know what kind of activities that they are going to make me be a part of. My stomach starts to turn at the thought of having to do teamwork exercises. It's not that I have a problem with the people here; it's just that I really hate people in general. Plus, what happens if I have to do teamwork shit with Kensei. He will probably kill me or something. Something tells me that he is not the easiest person to get along with. The bruises on both of my wrists do not lie. _Why the hell is my mind so set on that asshole?_ God, this is frustrating.

I flick through the rest of the book and scan the pages briefly. I don't really care for what else it has to say. I don't bother reading the visitors bit because there is no why in hell I want Kisuke to come here and see me like this. It's just too much. Its best for him to just stay completely away from me. I am no good for him. My stomach starts turning at the thought of hurting Kisuke more than I already have. It just makes me want to-

"Hey are you okay?" A voice appears out of nowhere, making me jump and dropping the papers all over the floor. I look around to see Grimmjow standing in my doorway, laughing. "Oh shit dude, sorry 'bout that." I stare at him as I kneel down to collect the papers off the floor. "Dude, you are shaking all over. I didn't think I scared you that bad." Grimmjow lets out another laugh. I look at my hands and they are shaking uncontrollably. I didn't even realise I was shaking. I place the papers back on the side table and sit down on the side of the bed.

"What do you want?" I ask quietly. I am in no mood for people right now.

"I was just checkin' up on ya. Nel was worried so I told her I would go and see if ya were alright."

"Why?"

"Well you put on quite a show in the cafeteria." Grimmjow says with a grin. "Man, you picked the wrong dude to piss off." I look at Grimmjow with a confused look and I can feel myself go red in the face. "What did you do to piss Kensei off so much?"

"I didn't do anything." I look away, not knowing what else to say. I rub at my wrists as I remember the way Kensei stared at me. There was so much anger… and something else I couldn't place.

"Holy shit, look at those marks on your wrists!" Grimmjow says with a laugh as he walks over and sits down on the bed next to me. I automatically freeze at the closeness. I want to tell him to go away but my mind doesn't seem to want to cooperate with me at the moment. "I knew Kensei had anger issues but those marks are brutal." _Why is he laughing at this?_

"You can tell Nel that I am fine." I mumble. I can't even look him in the face.

"Nel is definitely not going to forget this. Then again, its not like she could forget anything." I look up with a puzzled expression. Grimmjow is too busy looking around the room to notice though.

"Why?"

"Nel has an eidetic memory." Grimmjow says while surveying the room for something. _Well that would explain how she knew about me being on the news._ "She is a whole lotta fucking crazy."

"She… she didn't say anything about me did she?" Grimmjow looks at me with his eyebrow raised, waiting for me to elaborate. "Just curious."

"Nah, all she said was that she was worried about ya. We even had to stop her from going over to Kensei." Grimmjow lets out a menacing chuckle. "Now that would have been entertainment." I do not want to hear any more about Kensei. The more I think about him, the more irritated I get. If I could choose to never talk about him again then that's what I would choose.

"What's Kensei's deal?" _What the fuck is wrong with me!?_ Grimmjow grins at me and I look away.

"Are you scared of him or something?"

"No."

"Well you probably should be. That guy has some real fucking issues. I don't know his whole backstory crap and I don't care about it. I just know he has anger problems. Lately he has calmed down a bit though, well that was until you got here." Grimmjow lets out another sinister cackle that sends shivers down my spine. "Besides, you should be more worried about Riruka." I look at him in shock. "She wants to fuck ya."

"W-what? How do you know that?"

"Well after you left she was all like 'Oh that Shuuhei guy is really cute. I'm gonna claim as my own'." Grimmjow says in a girly voice while pretending to be Riruka by rubbing his crotch and making orgasm faces.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST DUDE!" I yell as I push him off the bed. Grimmjow lands on the floor in a fit of laughter. "That did not happen!"

"Well it sort of did." Grimmjow says through fits of laughter. "What, don't you want to fuck her? I would." _Is this guy serious_?

"No I don't." Grimmjow looks at me with a confused look for a second and then nods his head like he came to a realisation.

"Oh I get it. You're gay."

"W-What!? No I'm no-"

"Don't worry, I've fucked guys before. It's no big deal." I don't even know what to say. I feel myself go completely red in the face. I cover my face with my hands and mumble to myself. "There is no need to be ashamed. Wait… you want to fuck me, don't you?" I look up in shock. _What the hell is wrong with him!?_ "Well I aint one to turn down a hottie like you." Grimmjow let's a purr and I feel my face go even redder which causes him to laugh even harder.

"I'm not interested in guys!"

"Sure you aren't." Grimmjow says while getting off the floor. "Don't worry your secret is safe with me." _Is he even listening to me!?_ "Well if ya ever want a good lay, my door is always open." Grimmjow starts to walk out the door but then stops and turns around. Before he can say anything I throw a pillow at him. Grimmjow just laughs it off and continues to walk out the door.

 _WHAT. THE. FUCK. WAS. THAT!?_

…

All I wanted was to just stay in my room but now I find myself headed for art therapy. Fucking art therapy! Yoruichi came into my room about an hour after my weird encounter with Grimmjow to tell me that Art Therapy would be starting soon and that I should attend it. At first I declined because I really could not think of anything worse than painting flowers or whatever they do in art therapy, but Yoruichi insisted that I go. She also told me that if I go, she won't bug me to do things as much because she too could not think of anything worse but she was told by the man in charge that she needed to persuade me to attend. Her words were "When Aizen tells you to do something, you don't fuck around."

I honestly have no idea where I am going either. Yoruichi told me where it was but I somehow already got lost. I walk past several people but I don't dare ask them directions. I don't need another Nel or Grimmjow to pester me, or even worse… A Kensei. I just continue to walk around the massive building trying to work out where the fuck I am going. I stop for a bit to stare out the window and into the massive courtyard. Well I am lost so there really isn't any point in continuing.

The courtyard is massive. There are several gardens throughout the whole thing and I am pretty sure they are used for therapy too. There is a giant circular garden in the middle of the courtyard which I presume you can sit on. In the middle of the circular garden is a pond. It is actually quite a beautiful sight. I might even spend my time down there instead of my room. But then again, there are people all over the place so that is a bit off putting.

"Shuuhei?" A voice calls from behind me. I turn around to see Ichigo standing there with a puzzled look. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I answer quietly.

"It doesn't look like it. Do need help with something?"

"I'm just lost is all."

"You mean direction wise or mentally?" _Weird question_. I look at him with a puzzled expression.

"Uh… direction wise."

"Okay good because I am not good with dealing with the latter." _Ummm okay?_ "So where are you supposed to be?"

"Art therapy."

"Of course. They always send the newbies to art therapy right off the bat. Come with me, I am heading there myself." _Shit_. I was hoping I could skip it and blame it on being lost. I nod in agreement and let him take the lead. "So what are you in here for?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Yeah that's fine no pressure. When I first got here I was asked that question non-stop. I ended up punching a guy in the face because it was something I didn't want to talk about and the guy just kept hounding me."

"Who was the guy?"

"Grimmjow. You met him earlier in the cafeteria."

"I wish I could punch him in the face." I say to myself.

"Wait, do you know Grimmjow?"

"Huh? No, he just came to my room before."

"Really? When?"

"After the Kensei thing." Ichigo scoffs and rolls his eyes.

"I wouldn't worry about Kensei. Majority of the time he keeps to himself. He must have had a bad day or something and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time." Ichigo stops in front of a door and gestures for me to go in. It must be where the art shit is. "You probably won't even see him again for a while."

"Well that's a relief." I say as I walk into the room. I stop right in my tracks causing Ichigo to bump into me from behind. Ichigo says something but don't hear him. I am too busy staring into the eyes of Kensei from across the room. Kensei's face contorts in what appears to be shock and anger. Ichigo looks at what I am staring at and sighs.

"Well, Shuuhei, I've been wrong before."

…

Ichigo and I find two spare easels next to each other which are far away from Kensei. Thank god for that. My face feels like it is on fire. Of course he has to be here. For someone I've known for like five seconds, he sure irritates the fuck out of me. I look over at him and he is still staring at me. I look away immediately feeling my face go red.

"Are you okay?" Ichigo whispers.

"Yeah, it's just a bit hot in here." Ichigo nods and begins to set up his paints. I want to see if Kensei is still staring but I cannot will myself to look over. Instead I just look around the room. There is a total of 15 easels and there are only 4 unoccupied ones that happen to be near Kensei. "Maybe I should go to the easel next to Kensei and see what happens."

"Are you crazy?" Ichigo asks with a 'what the fuck' look. "You should see the looks he is giving you right now. What did you do to him?"

"I didn't do anything to that ASSHOLE!" I say the last part loud enough for him to hear. Ichigo covers my mouth. I have no idea what has gotten in to me. I really am fucking crazy.

"Dude, what the fuck!" Ichigo says in a harsh whisper. "Don't make him angry. Look at what he did to your wrists and that was due to you 'not doing anything'." I look over a Kensei and I can't quite tell what kind of look he is giving me. If looks could kill though…

"I have no idea what has gotten into."

"Yeah, no kidding. How about we not get ourselves killed for the time being, okay? I've seen enough dead people for a life time." I turn to my head towards Ichigo with a puzzled look.

"Huh?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Forget I said anything." Ichigo says while going red in the face. _What a weird thing to say_. You know, Ichigo really isn't that bad. Well compared to Grimmjow this guy is a fucking saint.

"Okay guys, listen up!" A man with blue hair and white face paint yells from the front of the room. "Today's session will be about drawing what is on your mind. Now remember fools, there is no such thing as perfect. Oh god I despise perfect."

"Yeah, we know!" A man with a redish-pink Mohawk yells back.

"Now, Now, Bazz-B. Don't you get snarky with me." Bazz-B lets out a laugh.

"Oh, Mayuri. I am so sorry." Bazz-B says in a sarcastic tone. Mayuri waves a hand at Bazz-B in dismissal.

"Okay guys, start painting."

…

"How old are you?" Ichigo asks with a laugh while looking at my painting.

"21. Why?"

"Those are just… um, some nice stick figures."

"Oh shut up." I say with a scoff. "I didn't know what to paint. Plus that creepy dude said to not aim for perfect."

"Hey, I am not judging here. At least you are not painting flowers." I freeze up a little. I was just about to paint flowers.

"Uh… yeah…" I look away before he can see my face and realise that I was about to paint flowers. Once again I find myself locking eyes with Kensei. This time he is the one to look away. _Seriously what is his problem?_

"Would you stop looking at him?" Ichigo whispers.

"Me? He is the one that keeps staring."

"Well you keep staring back."

"I want to know what his problem is." I really don't know what has gotten into me. I never would have cared what people thought of me or if people stared at me. I am used to that kind of stuff but for some reason this guy is bugging me like crazy. "I'm going to ask him."

"I strongly advise against it. If you play with fire you are going to get burned. I don't want to see you get hurt." I look at Ichigo with a raised eyebrow but Ichigo is too busy painting to notice. He doesn't want to see me get hurt? I've only known the guy for five minutes. My stomach starts to feel weird but not in the sick way. Some other way that I can't recognise. "Anyway he is walking out the door as we speak." I look up and see him walk out the door. Good, now I don't have to see him again for a while. "Shuuhei where are you going?! Ichigo asks in a harsh whisper. I didn't even realise I was moving.

"I'll be back." I say as I walk towards the door.

"Whatever. I tried to warn you."

I walk through the door and look for the direction that Kensei walked in. I see his retreating form to my left and I follow him. _Man, this guy walks fast_. My heart pounds faster with every step I take. Why the fuck am I doing this? I have no idea. I just need to know what his problem is. I slow down my pace because I realise I have no idea what I am going to say to him. Maybe Ichigo was right and I shouldn't play with fire. I just need to know though. I'm so lost in thought that when I turn the corner I realise that there is no sign of him. _Well fuck_. What do I do now? I'm torn between going down the hallway to look for him or to just go back to art therapy. With a deep breath I decide to give up and go back. I turn around and I find myself face to face with Kensei. Well shit.

"Why are you following me?" He asks in an irritated tone.

"I-I wasn't. I was looking for the bathroom and I must have gotten lost."

"You mean the one you just past with big sign over it saying bathroom?" I look over to where he is pointing and sure enough it is exactly as he said. Shit.

"Umm… yep, that's the one." He leans close to me and looks at me angrily.

"Stop following me and stay away from me." Kensei begins to walk off and I find myself glued to the spot with a burning sensation in my chest.

"What is your fucking problem!?" I yell out at him. Kensei stops in his tracks and turns around. Oh fuck.

"My problem?" Kensei says while walking up to me. "My problem is that some little shit keeps following me. So what is your problem!?"

"My problem is that some giant cunt grabbed my wrists and pushed me up against a wall and decides to keep staring at me like I ran over his fucking dog!"

"You have no idea what you are talking about!"

"Then why don't you just snap my wrists like the creep you are and enlighten me then."

"You better watch what you say or I swear to god I'll kill you."

"You'll kill me?! Why don't you go ahead and try! I'm pretty much dead inside as it is. So why not just finish the job, I've already done most of the work myself!" I yell pointing at the long scar around my neck. Kensei steps back a bit and the anger seems to flee from his face. _Why the fuck did I say that? Oh my god what did I just say!?_ I feel like I am going to vomit. Before Kensei can say anything I walk off to the bathroom in a hurry. As soon as I get into the bathroom I make my way to the closest sink and begin to vomit. Tears start to well up in my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. Not here and not like this.

I finally stop vomiting and I look up into the mirror. I look like shit. I guess it matches how I feel. I grab some paper towels and wipe my face. I hear one of the toilets stalls open suddenly and I freeze up.

"Well someone doesn't seem to be feeling well." I turn around to see a guy with shiny silver hair squinted eyes, making it hard to see his eyes at all. He is wearing a guards uniform with a name tag that says 'Gin'. "Now what was all that yelling out there? Is this something I need to take up with the big man himself and get you sent to the padded rooms? Oh those rooms can be quite horrible." My blood runs cold at those words. Something tells me that I do not want to find out what those padded rooms are.

"I'm sorry. It was just a heated argument. You aren't going to tell him are you?"

"Maybe. Maybe not." The man says as he walks closer to me. Panic is slowly starting to set in. This guy is getting awfully close and has a very disturbing look on his. "If you do something for me then maybe I won't say anything." My legs start to uncontrollably shake and the panic has turned into fear. I am stuck to the spot and I cannot move at all.

"P-Please, don't." I whisper.

"Don't worry. It won't hurt much if you stay still." Gin tries to grab me but I push his hands away and then punch him in the face. Gin puts his hand to his lip and it looks like I busted it. "Fine. The hard way it is." Gin lunges at me and grabs me by the hair. I try to scream but he covers my mouth. He makes me look into the mirror and what I see makes me panic even more. I bite his hand and he rips it away. "You lil shit!" Gin grabs my hair even tighter and smashes my head into the mirror causing it to shatter. I fall to the ground and I can feel blood starting to ooze out from my head. Everything is starting to get blurry. I try to crawl away but I am met with a kick to the gut, ripping all the air out of my lungs. I try to scream but nothing comes out. I close my eyes tight. I don't want to see what comes next. "Now, where were we?" Please no… I feel a thud on the ground and I can hear punches connecting… but I am not getting punched?

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM!" I open my eyes and see that Kensei is on top of Gin. Kensei is pounding Gin with punches to the face causing blood to spray from his mouth. Something hits me and I pick it up with my hand. It's a tooth. I drop it with disgust. "YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!"

"K-Kensei?" I say hoarsely. Kensei turns his head towards me and gets off of Gin. My vision starts to get dark and I cannot tell if Gin is moving or not. Something touches me and I am lifted off the ground.

"Hang in there, Shuuhei!" Kensei says as he carries me out the door. The blood from my head starts to get in my eyes, making it harder for me to see. I look up at Kensei and see that his eyes are full of worry and panic. "We are going to get you help, just don't close your eyes." I let a hoarse chuckle.

"Bye." I close my eyes and let the darkness take me out of consciousness.

"No! Shuuh-"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 **Shuuhei's P.O.V**

 _Where am I? I think to myself as I try to get familiar with my surroundings. It appears to be some sort of dirt road surrounded by fields of grass which feels familiar. I am surrounded by darkness with the exception of the street light at the end of the road. I have definitely been here before. The rain has soaked through all of my clothes leaving me with a constant chill. I feel out of breath like I have been running for hours. I collapse onto my knees and cannot find the strength to stand. It feels like all of my strength has left my body and all I can do is crawl._

 _I have the feeling of being chased in the back of my mind which is driving me to go forward. As soon as I start to move forward there is an intense pain in my ribs. I move my hand to where the pain is coming from and when I pull my hand back I notice it is covered in blood. Panic starts to take over my body at the sight of my blood. I look down to see a stab wound in the side of my body. I hear footsteps at the end of the road which suddenly stop. I turn around to find out who the footsteps belong to and that's when my body is taken over by fear. The feeling of dread spreads across my body at the realisation of where I am._

 _"Stop running Shuuhei, it is only going to make things worse." the man says with a cold and cruel voice. I try to yell but no noise comes out of my mouth. I feel paralysed by fear. Why is this happening!? I try to move forward but I end up collapsing into a puddle which begins to mix with the blood that is coming from my wound. I don't want to die like this. I pull my arm out in front of me to try and grab something to pull me forward but to no success._

 _The footsteps begin again and I find myself finding it hard to breath. I look to the other end of the road. It is so close but so far. My vision begins to blur and I am starting to feel lightheaded. I can hear the footsteps getting even closer now. Why is he doing this!? I give up and completely and collapse in the puddle. There is no way out of this. The footsteps stop and there is silence which causes the dread in my body to intensify. A hand tightly grips my arm and roughly rolls me over onto my back causing my wound intense pain. I don't even know if I let out a cry of pain or not, I am barely conscious. The rain is pouring down on my face and stinging my wound but at this moment I don't really care. I look up at him with fear at what is about to happen._

 _"Why?" I say in a barely audible tone. His mouth stretches into a long, cruel, sadistic grin which is all I can see. The man's hood is covering the rest of his face._

 _"Why?" he says, letting out a small chuckle. "Well Shuuhei, you just so happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time and I am running low on human lab rats." He pulls out a knife from his pocket and looks at it with a certain kind of curiosity. "I know this is cliché and all but do you have any last words before lights out?" I lay there staring up at him while he plays with the knife in his hands. He lifts the blade up and is about to strike me with it._

 _"Go to hell!" I yell as I watch the blade come down on me._

…

"KENSEI!" I scream as I wake up with a jolt to my body and cold sweat pouring off me. My head feels like it is on fire and I am struggling to breath. _Where the hell am I?_ I look around the room I am in and it appears to be another hospital room which I am thankful for. It means I am safe and that was just the same recurring nightmare about my past. It always feels so real like I am reliving it again. But I am not. I am in a hospital room… again. I have honestly had enough of hospitals for a life time. I rub the back of my head and I can feel several lumps that are there. I pull my hand away due to the pain that touching them causes.

"Why the fuck am I in a hospital?" I say to myself. I try to remember what got me here but nothing comes to mind. _Did I… try to kill myself again_? That wouldn't surprise me.

"Oh you're up." Says Isshin as he walks through the door. "How is your head?"

"Hurts."

"Well that is to be expected. You are lucky the glass didn't cut any deeper or you would have been in real trouble."

"What glass?"

"Well I guess you don't remember, which is normal. What is the last thing you remember?" Isshin says as he pulls up a chair next to my hospital bed.

"The last thing I can remember was painting." I try to think back but my mind is all foggy. I was in art therapy with Ichigo and something about Kensei. Kensei… "That is all I can remember. What happened to me?"

"You were attacked by another patient in the bathroom. You are lucky that Gin was there to step in or you might have been in a much worse condition." Bathroom… Gin… I can't fucking remember! I know it is all there but it just won't come to me. I can feel it trying to come back to me but it is just not happening at this point.

"Who attacked me? I can't remember anything." I say as I close my eyes and try my hardest to remember.

"It was a patient by the name of Kensei. I have been informed that he has had anger issues in the past so this comes as no surprise."

"Kensei, attacked me?" I knew he didn't like but to go and attack me is something different altogether.

"Yes he did. He admitted to it and the right protocols have been put in place for his punishment. I am not quite sure what those are but I am sure they will be effective. Now try and get some rest. You will be staying here for a couple more days while you recover and then you will be transferred back to the psychiatric hospital." Isshin gets up and gives me a smile before walking towards the exit of the room.

"Wait!" I basically yell. Isshin turns around and raises an eyebrow. "Um… will I get my memory back?"

"It all depends. There is a high possibility that it will come back but it will take a little while for it to do so. Do not worry, you are safe now." I nod in agreement and he turns around and walks out the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts. _Why would Kensei do this?_ It doesn't make sense. Maybe I attacked him first or something. Maybe I should ask Gin about what happened since he was the one that saved me… _that doesn't seem right_. I can't remember who Gin is but something is telling me that I do not want to. _I fucking hate my life_.

…

 **Kensei's P.O.V**

"So Kensei. Why did you attack Shuuhei?" Kaname asks from across the table. Kaname Tousen is one of the Guards that has the highest authority around here and for a blind man he sure can see right through you. He is just as corrupt as the other guards around here. He follows his own fucked up sense of justice that comes across as sadistic torture. _They are all fucking scum_. I look around the dark room avoiding his dead gaze and grunt at him.

"Go fuck yourself you blind cunt." A guard walks towards me but Kaname puts his hand in front, stopping him from advancing.

"You are only making this harder on yourself, Kensei. That boy is in a serious condition and could die due to your actions."

"Why the fuck should I care?" I say as I lean back in my seat. "He means nothing to me anyway."

Hopefully Shuuhei doesn't say anything about Gin assaulting him or he could land himself in a shit ton of trouble. That is why I took the blame for his assault. These guards, especially Gin, would torture the poor guy into silence. It's what these people do. Oh how I wish I could have ripped Gin's fucking head off for what he did. _Pure scum_.

I have to act like I know nothing about Shuuhei or about the number that is on his face or else they could make his life a living hell. I'll admit, when I first ran into him I was taken by surprise. I thought it was another one of the guards cruel tricks directed at me but I soon realised that it wasn't a joke. Shuuhei needs to stay as far away from me as he possibly can. Being associated with me we only bring him pain and I don't need that shit. I just need to see if he is okay and then he can fuck off and do whatever he wants. I shouldn't be worried about some angsty punk. I've got bigger things to worry about.

"That is a real shame, Kensei. You are just lucky that Gin was there to save the poor boy before you did any more damage."

"That's a fucking lie and you know it!" I roar as I get to my feet. "Gin is a fucking demented sadist!"

Kaname stands up and a guard hands him his baton. Kaname rolls it through his hands before lifting it up and striking me on the side of my head causing me to lose balance and fall to the ground with a grunt of pain. I look up at Kaname and my vision blurs. For a blind man he sure is accurate. I put my hand to the side of my head and I can already feel it swelling.

"Know your place, Kensei." Kaname says as he turns to walk out of the room. "Take him to Padded Cell D." The guards nod in confirmation and walk over and lift me to my feet. I would try to attack but I can't even see straight. The guards walk me over to the door and Kaname stops them for a second. He leans in close to my ear so only I can hear him speak. "I hope saving the boy from Gin was worth it."

"You fucking demented fuck!" I scream as the guards take me away as I try to spit on him. "You are fucking trash!" A guard pulls out a Taser and the last thing I remember seeing is Gin with bandages all over him appearing beside Kaname with a sick grin on his face.

 _Fucking bastard._

…

 **Shuuhei's P.O.V**

 _Three Days Later_

"Welcome Back." Yoruichi says as she guides me towards my room. "You didn't miss out on anything so don't worry. Now that I think about it, it's mostly a boring shit show around here so it really doesn't matter how long you were gone for." Yoruichi lets out a laugh and I give her a small smile. "Well, I'll let you settle in again and be on my way. You know where to find me if you need anything."  
Yoruichi walks off down the hall and I place myself down on my bed. My memory of the events that led me to the hospital still haven't come back. I can remember biting someone so that must have been Kensei… It doesn't feel like it was Kensei though. Something seems off about this whole mess. I think I should go find Kensei and get some answers or maybe that would be a bad idea. Either way I want to know.

"Holy shit you're alive!" Grimmjow yells and jumps onto the bed next to me and puts his arm around my shoulders. "I thought you died or some shit. I heard you really gave it to Kensei. Man, I wish I could have seen that!"

"Oi, would you give him some space. He just got back and I am sure he doesn't want to deal with your annoying ass." Ichigo says as he walks into the room.

"Oh fuck off or I'll get Shuuhei onto ya. He'll give ya a left, right, goodnight." Grimmjow says with a sinister laugh causing Ichigo to roll his eyes.

"SHUUHEI YOU ARE ALIVE!" Nel screams as she launches herself onto me causing me to yelp out in pain and shock. "I was so, so, so, so worried about you! I thought I was never going to see you again! Well I would see you in the afterlife but that is not the point! I don't want to see you in the afterlife, I want to see you in person which is what I am doing right now and I am just really, really gla-"

"Okay that is enough Neliel." Lisa says while pulling Nel off of me. "The guy just got out of hospital and he doesn't need you putting him back there."

"But I missed him!" Nel says with a pout. "I don't want him to go away again!"

"You have only known him for like a day, Nel." Riruka says from the doorway. "Settle down."

"You were worried as shit about him too Riruka." Grimmjow says with a life. "Don't act like you weren't."

"Go to hell, Grimmjow!" Riruka says while going red in the face. "You are so full of shit!" Grimmjow just laughs it off and gives her a wave of dismissal.

I just sit there not knowing what to say. Why would these people even care about me? It just makes no sense. I barely know them and I am sure they have enough going on in their lives to not bother worrying about someone they just met in a Psych Ward. It makes feel something but I cannot place what that feeling is. This is crazy, right? _Right?_

"How are you feeling?" Ichigo asks. "You had me worried there for sec. I shouldn't have let you walk out of the art room. I could have prevented this."

"It's not your fault, Ichigo." I say with a small smile while looking at the ground. I still find it hard to look people in the eyes. "Even if you did try to stop me, I wouldn't have listened."

"Yeah but still, I could have at least tried."

"Oi, you heard him." Grimmjow says with a smirk. "Get that pity dick outta ya mouth."

"Don't be a dick, Grimmjow." Riruka says as she walks over and hits Grimmjow in the head.

"But I thought you wanted my dick?" Grimmjow says as he grabs at his crotch.

"You vile pig!" Riruka shouts as she hits him again causing him to laugh even harder. "Anyway… how are you feeling now, Shuuhei?"

"Thanks guys for all of your concern but I am really fine. There is no need to be worrying over me." I say as I fiddle with my thumbs.

"Of course we are going to worry about you!" Nel yells like I said something offensive. "Don't be so ridiculous! That's what friends do, silly. We are friends aren't we?"

"Umm…" I sit there and stare at her for bit, not knowing what to say. Do they really consider me a friend? I hardly even know them and they are treating me so nice. No one has ever treated me this way before and I don't know how to react to it. They are actually nice people and I have been treating them like pests. I can feel slight guilt welling up inside me at the thought. These people are like no other people I have ever met. I should treat these people better than I have been treating them. I look at the ground and smile. "I guess we are friends."

"Well there you have it, buddy." Grimmjow says as he laughs and rubs my shoulder. Grimmjow still kind of scares me though. "I still cannot believe Kensei would actually do something like this though." My face heats up at the mention of Kensei. _Please change the conversation!_

"Yeah, I know." Riruka says as she crosses her arms. "I know he is one angry bitch but I didn't think he would go out of his way to beat the absolute shit outta someone."

"He is just a big bully!" Nell squeals. "I'll get him for what he did!"

"Whoa, calm down there, Nel." Lisa says, walking over to her and putting her hand on her shoulder. "The last thing we need is more violence." Lisa mumbles something to herself as she turns back to where she was. I think she said something about innocence?

"Damn. I wouldn't mind a good bashing." Grimmjow says. "I haven't been in a fight for a while and I miss it." Grimmjow lets out a cackle that sends shivers down my spine. Oh god he is scary.

"Okay that's enough everyone." Ichigo says as he gets up from leaning on the wall. "Shuuhei literally just got out of hospital so let's let him rest, okay?" Everyone nods and heads towards the door. _Thank you Ichigo!_

"I'll see you later." Grimmjow purrs into my ear as he gets up and walks out causing me to go red in the face. If I die I bet it will be because of him.

"Bye Shuuhei!" Nel screams as she jumps onto the back of Ichigo and piggybacks out of my room causing me to let out a little laugh. All of them walk out the room and I am just left sitting there with a million thoughts going through my head. There is a knock and I look up to see Lisa standing in the doorway with a concerned look on her face.

"Uhh yes?" I say, unsure of what she wants.

"Could I talk to you for a minute?" She asks with a troubled look which makes me feel a little uneasy.

"Umm… sure?" Lisa walks over to me and doesn't say anything for a minute with a look of deep thought on her face.

"I know you probably do not want to talk about the incident with Kensei but I need some answers." She says as she leans on my side table. My stomach turns at her words. _What does she need answers for?_

"I might not be much help with that. I can't remember much of it, just tiny bits and pieces that don't make sense." Lisa puts her hand to her chin with a look of concentration on her face.

"I see… Could you tell me all the things you remember?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Listen…" Lisa gets up and stares right at me with furrowed eyebrows causing me to look away from her gaze. "I know Kensei quite well and I do not think he would have attacked you. I know he has his anger issues but there is no way he would attack you due to the fact that you are…" She pauses for a second and I look up at her to see that she seems unsure if she should continue or not. "There must be something more to the story. None of it adds up, so that is why I need to know what happened."

"Wait, what were you going to say about me?" I feel uneasy and shift around in the spot I am sitting in. _What was she going to say?_ Also… "Why wouldn't Kensei attack me?"

"It's not for me to say." Lisa goes back to leaning on the side table and crosses her arms. "Just tell me what you remember." _What is she hiding?_ Maybe if I tell her what I remember than she will tell me what she was going to say.

"Ummm, I don't remember much. I was in art therpy with Ichigo and Kensei was also there and-"

"Yes, I know this part. Ichigo filled me in on that. Then Kensei left and you followed. Correct?"

"Uh, yes. That is what happened. I went searching for Kensei because I think I wanted to know what his problem was with me and then I finally found him and we had an argument I think. I can't remember what we argued about though. I remember being angry and I walked off but that's about all." Lisa just sits there for a moment thinking. "I am trying my best to remember but it is just not coming back. Maybe if I see Kensei it will help with my memory. I heard that helps with memory loss."

"That isn't going to happen for a while. Kensei is locked up in the padded rooms and who knows how long he will be in there."

"Wait did you say padded rooms?" Something in my mind is trying to make its way to the surface. "Someone said something to me about the padded rooms. Maybe it was the guard that found me?"

"And that is important, how?" Lisa asks with an eyebrow raised and an annoyed look on her face.

"I don't know but my mind is telling me that it is. Who was the guard that found me again?"

"That was Gin. I fucking hate that son of bitch." My stomach drops at the mention of Gin and I feel like I need to throw up. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. Something doesn't seem right about Gin saving me I think."

"Yeah, that is the bit of the story I find hard to believe."

"Do you know where he is? Maybe if I see him it could trigger a memory or something."

"It's worth a shot. He is normally stationed at the front of the bosses' office." Lisa says as she makes her way to the door with some urgency. "Come on, follow me."

…

The walk to the office was silent except for the occasional mumble from Lisa when figuring out what direction to go. I feel conflicted about Lisa. On one hand she seems sensible, level headed and straight to the point but on the other hand she is intimidating and there must be a reason for her to have landed in this joint.

"We are almost there." Lisa says while turning a corner. "We will look from afar. There is no way I want to be up close with that piece of trash." I cannot remember Gin at all but something tells me that I agree with her.

"What has he done to make him so bad?" I ask out of curiosity. "Are there more guards I should keep an eye out for or is he the only asshole in this joint?" Lisa stops walking and looks at me with concern.

"You should keep an eye out for all of them. They are all corrupted scum. Some of them are worse than others. Especially Gin and Kaname. Stay away from them at all costs. There are a couple of guards that seem like they are alright but I wouldn't trust them either. Stick with our group and you should be safe, okay?" All I can think is… WHAT. THE. FUCK. _What kind of place is this?!_ So much for just keeping my head down… Wait a minute. Maybe she is just joking around in some twisted way… or maybe she is telling the truth. _But Gin can't be that bad if he saved me right?_ I don't feel right even thinking that so maybe it is true. I just want my fucking memory back.

"Um yeah okay, I will." I say and Lisa turns back and starts walking again. I look out the windows and into the main garden and there is some sort of yoga class going on. I focus on that so my stomach will stop doing somersaults and to stop me feeling nauseous. They all seem so peaceful down there. I'd rather be doing stupid yoga than doing what we are doing right now. "Maybe this isn't going to work." I say, pulling my attention back to Lisa.

"Well it is worth a shot." Lisa says while still walking and paying attention to which way to go. "Kensei isn't a bad guy and I want that to be clarified to me and the others."

"You care a lot about Kensei, don't you?" I say with a slight smile. Lisa stops walking and turns around, giving me an intense stare. I put my hands up defensively. "I'm shutting up now."

"We should be able to see the office from that window down the hall." Lisa turns around once again and continues to walk.

"I don't think it's going to work." I mumble to myself. I just want to head back to my room and sleep. Maybe it is a good thing I don't have my memory of the incident. Honestly what good would having my memory back do? It probably was Kensei who attacked me… That thought just doesn't seem right to me. Kensei doesn't seem like the kind of guy to do that to me. Or maybe he is. It's not like I know him or anything.

"Shuuhei, get over here!" Lisa says in a harsh whisper. She is standing at the end of the hallway beside one of the giant windows in this place. "He is right there!" I walk up to her and give her a concerned look and my stomach drops.

"Well here goes nothing." I say as I look out the window. At first I don't see anything but my eyes lock onto movement through the opposite window and there he is. Gin. The silvered haired man with disarming eyes. He has bandages all over his body. I feel myself go numb as the memories of the incident come flooding back. I let out a gasp as I lose my footing and fall on my hands and knees with fear rising up within me.

"Shit, Shuuhei. Are you alright?" Lisa asks as she crouches down next to me. I shake my head as lump begins to form in my throat. I remember everything.

"He tried… he tried to-" I am cut off as I vomit on the ground infront of me. I start to hyperventilate as other memories come back to my head. Memories of the past. It's all too much. Kensei saved me from Gin. Kensei save me. Kensei…

"He tried to what?!" Lisa says with concern evident in her voice.

 _"Get me the fuck out of here!"_

* * *

 **A/N So that is chapter 3. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I would like to thank everyone for their support because it really means a lot to me :) If you have any questions about this story or any comments you can PM me or even leave a review :) Once again thank you guys!**


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